In a class I was taking recently, we were asked to tell what we thought of when we heard the name "Jesus." And in thinking really deeply about who Jesus is to me personally, I began a journey - a journey to find my own personal Jesus -- the one story in scripture that I relate to the most, the image or words that speak deeply to my soul. I'm happy to say I found several.
My favorite image of Jesus is that of him in the garden of Gethsemane… of his desperate pleas, his absolute trust, his total surrender to the painful will of the Father. I don’t know about you, but I am not especially good at trusting to the will of the Father. I trust CalTrans more than I trust God sometimes. Everyday, driving around town, I cross over dozens of bridges and overpasses and most of the time, I never even think about it. I just get in my car and drive. I don’t stop at the first bridge I come to, get out of my car and check for cracks. I don’t ask at the county office to see the latest inspection report. But when I encounter a really tough trial, I fall to pieces. This Jesus in the garden shows me how it’s supposed to work… Jesus knows what is going to happen. He knows he will suffer betrayal, be crucified, and die a painful death. Three times he throws everything he has into prayer, face down in the dirt before His Father. He says “Abba, Father, all things are possible with You.” He acknowledges the relationship. He acknowledges the omnipotence. I wonder if he shouted that part, looking up at heaven: “ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH YOU!” And I wonder if he whispered, with human voice cracking with sobs and eyes full of tears, “yet not my will, but yours…” This is the most beautiful picture of prayer in all of scripture to me. And it isn’t lost on me that even Jesus had unanswered prayers. I want to pray like that -- to trust like that. I want to KNOW deep in my soul that no matter how ugly things look now, that I am loved beyond comprehension, that heaven will bring joy beyond human understanding, that my suffering is noticed, and that my scars will have meaning and purpose someday, somehow. This is why we pray -- not to get what we want, but to grow close to the Father through our surrender to his will.
Can I live out that picture -- face down in the dust, tears on my face, surrender in my heart? I hope so...
