Posted first on facebook...
I just want to take a moment to give an update on the latest development in our lives. For the last several months, my husband, Marcus, has been experiencing some odd symptoms. First it was numbness in his hands. Then it was numbness (but not muscle weakness) in his right foot, eventually spreading up to his leg, chest, arm and most recently, his face. Since the beginning, he has seen both his regular doctor and chiropractor. Neither of them believed this was serious in the beginning. His doctor ordered x-rays (clear), an ultrasound, and other tests, some of which are still on the calendar. He started dropping his drumsticks (he's on our church worship team). He's had trouble playing his trumpet due to the numbness in his face. This weekend, though, things worsened. He couldn't feel where his foot was on the bass pedal. He made the call to ask Robert to drum instead, and on Sunday morning, he had trouble putting the lid on his coffee cup. We got him into the doctor on Monday afternoon, had an MRI Tuesday morning, and by Tuesday afternoon, we had some answers.
Marcus has several lesions in his brain called arteriovenous malformations (AVMs). This was not an unknown term to us, because when our daughter had brain surgery 9 years ago, this was one of the initial possibilities. It is a congenital condition with no known cause. One of them is large and on the left side (hence the right-side symptoms) with some evidence of bleeding. Another one is in the pons, the brainstem, which is typically an inoperable location. There are several more in other locations. As he says, his brain looks like Swiss cheese! He's been referred to a neurosurgeon, but this is not an immediately life-threatening thing, so his appointment won't be for a couple of weeks. There's a number of treatment options, probably surgery, but we really won't know much until after that appointment.
My mind has been all over the place with this, but here's where I am at the moment: we are BLESSED. It isn't cancer. It isn't a degenerative disorder. We have a GREAT internal medicine doctor (she's my doctor, too) who Marcus just switched to recently from his previous doctor who was closer to JPL. I'm so very glad he did! Marcus has been approved to work at home for the next month, so he is sitting in his favorite chair with his feet up and his laptop in his lap, cell phone in hand as I type this. I'm glad he won't be driving an hour each way every day with that numb foot. We went to his appointments together, cracking jokes and making doctors, nurses and lab techs laugh with us. We had lunch together on a week day! That NEVER happens. This may be difficult, but I am enjoying his company, and that is sweet. We have a lot of folks at JPL who care and are doing everything to make things smooth for him. We have an amazing church family at NewNaz surrounding us with prayer. Marcus is the kind of person who has sown seeds of kindness and humor everywhere, and it is obvious that a lot of people love and appreciate him. We have great kids who are supportive in everything. We have a great relationship. As I've said before, we are writing our own love story, and it's a good one. Apparently, now it will have a new chapter with some new challenges. Whatever they are, we will get through it together. We've been down the brain surgery path before, so how many people can look that monster in the face and say, "been there, done that!" And there are so many more.
Last week I took the kids to Chinatown for the day. There is a waterfall/fountain there with various little curiously shaped bowls perched here and there with labels like "Love," "Romance," "Wealth," etc. Obviously, I don't believe in the validity of that kind of thing, but I thanked God as I recognized how many of those blessings I already have. There was one, however, that caught my eye: "Vacation." Honestly, I've felt so tired and weary lately that a vacation seemed like the height of paradise. I thought, "you know, Lord, a few days off would be so great!" I had five pennies and I had given the kids two each, so I took my one and tossed it over the water and rocks to the vacation bowl, and to my surprise, heard a sweet "clink" as it went in! A camping trip in May is a long way off, but I'll hang on to that, I thought.
Surprisingly, I feel renewed and refreshed right NOW. It always feels like a vacation when Marcus is home. A whole month of that? Woohoo! And this situation makes it much easier to say "no" to the less important things and "yes" to a few more fun things. I feel motivated to begin to take care of the things that Marcus usually does and I have a lot of energy and enthusiasm for the road ahead. Marcus is optimistic and relieved that there's actually a reason for all these symptoms he's struggling with. There is understanding and grace now, where there was frustration and impatience before. I'm grateful for the opportunity to help him because he has been such a rock for me over the years. It's a good lesson in how we should be treating each other all the time - all of us. Resist the temptation to be impatient or make snarky comments when someone you know seems incompetent or unresponsive. You never know what they might be struggling with, and chances are, they are doing the best they can. Trust me, I can be the queen of snark!
Yes, there are some losses. He is grieving a bit over the loss of music -- he's had to put the drums and trumpet on hold for now. He will miss this Saturday's concert and the rehearsals which he has attended every Monday night, and the company of the band members. He is limiting his driving because his foot refuses to tell him which pedal it's on and he's had a few of what he calls "sporty experiences!" Our son will have his permit soon, and I'm sure he'll be a very willing chauffeur for dad. He needs to avoid intense exercise, so his favorite P90X3 workouts are on hold, too. The unknown path ahead might be scary, but for right now, I still just feel BLESSED.
To say that God is in control sounds trite and preachy. Blah, blah, blah, whatever, whatever, is what we think when we hear that sometimes. But more importantly, God is GOOD. I can't explain why I felt discouraged and frustrated with just about everything three weeks ago, but today I am empowered and happy, unless there is a God and He hears my prayers and He is GOOD. The journey may be dark at times, but I can enjoy His presence and I will wring every last drop of joy out this crazy life because God is GOOD and Marcus has always been His biggest gift to me. Everyday there are blessings and reasons to rejoice.
This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it!
-Bonnie :)
P.S. What are you grateful for today? Share them!
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